•-Dreams and Reality-•

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•-Dreams and Reality-•

Post by Guest on Thu Jan 17, 2013 10:45 pm

Jj ran the long hall way. This final hall-way scared him...he always saw the Sam girl skipping Down it....
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JJ, 17, male. Not too old, right?

JJ knew nothing....he was born color blind and half deaf...luckily the doctors got his hearing back....but in his dreams...he could see nothing but color....

He was always frightened by females...even his own mother...they always confused him and treated him different than the other guys...he always seemed popular but not by choice...

Girls always hounded him and tried to "date" him.

JJ knew his parents would arrange a marriage if he didn't find 'the one' soon...

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Re: •-Dreams and Reality-•

Post by Guest on Fri Jan 18, 2013 9:39 pm

As Jj woke up and walked around to the kitchen to eat before school... "Mum!! Da is awake!" He shouted as he heard his dad in the shower.

"Thank you , Love!" She called, making toast and eggs.

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Re: •-Dreams and Reality-•

Post by Guest on Fri Jan 18, 2013 10:00 pm

It is promising, but way to short. You should try and add more detail and sentences. Like, for example:

Instead of.. As Jj woke up and walked around to the kitchen to eat before school... "Mum!! Da is awake!" He shouted as he heard his dad in the shower.

"Thank you , Love!" She called, making toast and eggs.

You could put....
J.J woke up, bright sunlight streaming through his closed blinds. He got up, stretched, then staggered out of his room. J.J jogged down the stairs, and grabbed a piece of toast. The sound of running water signaled that his dad had waken up. "Mom, Dad's awake!" he said, a mouth full of toast. "Thank you, love." she said.

I'm looking forward to more chapters. It looks good.

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Re: •-Dreams and Reality-•

Post by Guest on Sat Jan 19, 2013 8:33 pm

(I'm sorry but I was rushed that day. I had to hurry and write before I left! I had fallen asleep and forgot to set an alarm before.)

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Re: •-Dreams and Reality-•

Post by Guest on Sat Jan 19, 2013 8:43 pm

After a few minutes Jj heard the thundering of frantic feet coming down the old wooden stairs. Jj knew his Da would be late for work if he didn't rush. Mr.Frey always woke late, not on purpose though. Mrs.Frey stood near the toaster, making a plate full of Toast, another with eggs cooking on the oven.

Jj sat at the table, a perfectly brown slice of toast infront of him with two eggs cut to the side. As Jj munched, Da walked into the kitchen, holding his tie that was twisted around his fingers. "Love, I'm knotted again..." He said, hoping his wife could undo it.

Mrs.Frey, who had four brothers, knew how to do a tie in 10 seconds. Mrs.Frey smiled at her clumsy husband as she did his tie. "Must I show you again?" Mr.Frey turned red of embarrassment "no, love..."

Jj rolled his eyes at the mushy-ness between his parents, wishing to be able to have the doctors take his hearing away.

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Re: •-Dreams and Reality-•

Post by Guest on Sun Jan 20, 2013 7:36 pm

Jj finished his plate an put it in the sink. He rushed to the living room and grabbed his books, giving a loud "Bye, Mom! Bye, Da!!" He went out the door to catch the bus.

Jj didn't have a car or anything because his uncle got in a wreck and that worried his parents. Jj found out that he missed the bus, giving a silent curse, he continued his walk.

(This may not be the longest chapter. But I'm on the road/air going back home. I'll make more once I get home!!)

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Re: •-Dreams and Reality-•

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